THIS ARTICLE IS FOR LONG TERM MARRIAGES OR RELATIONSHIPS (10+ years)
What’s up with your sex life? Apparently, your wife thinks it’s a bit on the boring side and wants you to spice things up. Here’s what she wants you to know. We all know that love and affection are important, but it’s equally crucial to let her know that she is the ultimate source of your turn-on and that you want to have fun with her. So, how can you spice things up? What does she mean by “fun sex”?
Fun Sex 101 – The Basics
First off, try initiating with some sexy texts or words throughout the day. Let her know that you can’t wait to see her later and that you have her on your mind. This invokes anticipation and will help set the mood. When you get home, give her a kiss, tell her she smells great or looks beautiful. End it with another slow warm kiss and ask her how her day was. If it wasn’t good, ask if there is anything you can do? AND never underestimate the power of a warm long hug.
Next, give her your undivided attention. Put down the damn phone. Show genuine interest in what she has to say and make her feel valued. If she is busy on hers, let her know you want to talk or have some cuddle time. Don’t assume because you’re in the mood that she can “feel” this. TELL HER! This is a busy world, with lots of distractions, and what makes this time different from every other night? If you normally cuddle and watch tv or work from home on ipads or laptops, you need to verbalize that you want to put that away and focus on each other.
Side Note: Normally I’d tell guys with reluctant spouses: EXPECT TO REPEAT THE FOLLOWING FOR 3 DAYS IN A ROW before asking for sex. Cuddle when you talk, sit across from her at the dinner table and have a phone free supper chatting. Listen to understand or share, not to fix unless she genuinely asks for input. You never want her to feel like “Oh he’s just pulling out all the stops because he wants to get laid.” But if you do get that reaction say “Of course I do, I’ve been thinking about you all day.”
You’re the lucky one, your wife wants sex, better sex, and wants to have fun with you. This means you aren’t that guy, this means she knows shes loved, she feels cared for and she is big time into you.
Fun Sex – The Better Stuff
Here’s a game-changer: start foreplay outside of the bedroom. Playful teasing and flirting during dinner or while watching a movie can build up excitement and anticipation for what’s to come. But if this is normal cuddling for you, make sure she knows you have special plans for her in the bedroom. Get into her head space and start the mental turn on. Women need 15-20 minutes of foreplay, and this only starts once her mind is sexually engaged.
A Woman’s Mind Gets Sexually Engaged When:
- #1 She Feels Wanted (not needed that’s a mom emotion)
- #2 Your Goal and Aim is Her Pleasure. We both know you’re going to get a hard on and cum regardless, so that absolutely should NOT be the focus if you are initiating play time for her. That’s for when she initiates with you, which she will if you have set the stage.
- #3 When There Is No Rush. If typically sex is over within a 15-minute time frame… then that should minimally be how long foreplay alone is…. And don’t get confused but equally as hot is
- #4 When There Is A Rush (the fast and furious passionate quickie) – this should be used as foreplay though. A quickie with intensity and sure rev up the senses and leave you both wanting more later. Use it that way.
Fun Sex – The Goods
#1 – Start with the slow removal of her clothes – this simple act can be incredibly arousing for both of you. Don’t limit yourself to just starting things in bed, naked under the sheets. Start by having her come to you while you are sitting on the edge of the bed, where she can straddle you or you can pull her into a warm embrace and have full access to all of her. Have a plan in mind and act it out confidently. This is your adult playtime. Make it sensual and fun.
#2 – IF you have good control, consider switching things up mid-play, if you’re already to the intercourse stage and you can tell she’s not going to cum easy, pull out and go back to playing. Or tell her you plan to finish her off on your mouth, or with a toy, that this is warm up, then do it with enthusiasm.
DID YOU KNOW: Many times your woman doesn’t get there because she has a stopwatch in her brain that knows exactly how long she has until you’re done? Or as soon as she hears certain sounds. This is her signal that her time is up. Because most guys stop as soon as they cum. Wanna know a fact? She can keep going, she is probably perfectly warmed up. You’ve seen all the cartoons of the man sleeping and the woman seething… yep this is why… she is far from done. This is also a good time to bring out a toy, or ideally use one mid play, or at the same time. You being focused on her pleasure and not being in competition to it, will make it fun again for both of you.
#4 – Different positions. If missionary is the best for getting her off… do it LAST… build up to it.
#5 – Bath or Shower time. Doesn’t mean you have to have sex in there. But soaping each other down and kissing, toweling each other off and applying body lotion can be highly arousing and yep, its different than normal. You can also tell her you are going to join her; this will give her time to do her shower routine first and build a little anticipation to you joining her. Come in brush your teeth, she will hear you undress, and will the waiting for the shower door or curtain to open.
#6 – If you really want to know what she likes at some point Do A Role Reversal where she does to you what she likes on herself. Note the amount of time she spends in each area, where she touches, Does she change it up and go back and forth between erogenous zones or just straight to the goods? Does she nuzzle your thighs? Does she give verbal cues and compliments? Does she talk dirty? Did she use any toys? At the same time this is fun!!!!
#7– Hotel sex. When you have an opportunity to be alone outside the home. Take a few surprises. A body lotion, or massage gel, candles, Set the stage ahead of time by telling her you would love to see her in “mention your favorite lingerie” or better yet take her shopping for a new piece. Pack along a bottle of wine, and 2 wine glasses. And set it out before going to dinner for when you get back. Opportunity to change it up here too… lingerie shopping can get you both in the mood, get handsy after watching her try things on. Let her know that she turns you on and go have some fun before going out for dinner… that is really fun and will put a spark into the rest of the night…even better if there is opportunity for a repeat performance when you get back or in the morning.
#8 – Toy shopping. Watch what she looks at, what she holds or looks at. Ask if anything is appealing and what fantasy it invokes. Ask her how she would like it used. THEN DO IT!!!!! If you have drawers and baskets full of stuff that she has bought and you aren’t initiating using them, then you are missing out big time. Many opportunities here: Ask her to lay out her favorite toy tonight. You can ask to watch her use it or incorporate it into your play with her. Maybe she wants to use it on you too! Pull out toys that have been favorites in the past. PS if they need batteries make sure you put new ones in ahead of time.
We all know that men are inundated with various level of sexy images of hot women on social media etc. This is very competitive to a woman’s self-esteem especially as we get older. Finding ways to keep the flame alive and our connection to each other fun helps your partner feel more secure and desired.
So guys, keep these tips in mind if you want to take your intimate moments with your woman from good to great. Tease her, savor her, touch in new places, start from a totally different position than normal. Have sensory items out and on display (toys, lotions, blindfold) dim lighting or candles. Treat her like a new toy, like you are starting all over again. Throw out that mental play book you are following. Play time should include the unexpected. If normal is, a few sucks on the nips then straight to down-town then you roll over and she does the same or you hop on…. Change it up! Get creative, be enthusiastic, prioritize foreplay in the form of playfulness both inside and outside of the bedroom – because remember, great sex goes beyond just starting under the sheets!